Mindful Boundaries

Category: Relationships & Communication
Tags: Self-Respect, Communication

Overview

We think boundaries are walls. Actually, they are gates. They teach people how to love us safely.

Definition

A Boundary is a clear statement of what is okay. Porous boundaries let resentment in; rigid ones keep love out.

The Science

Operant Conditioning

Intermittent reinforcement (sometimes saying yes when you mean no) trains people to push harder.

The Practice

I-Statement + Consequence

  1. Request: 'I cannot speak about this.'
  2. Boundary: 'If you continue...'
  3. Consequence: '...I will leave.'
  4. Action.

Common Pitfalls

  • Over-explaining.
  • Expecting them to like it.

Key Takeaway

The only people upset by boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.