Forgiveness as a Practice

Overview

We think forgiveness is a gift to the other. It isn't. Holding a grudge is drinking poison and expecting the other to die.

Definition

Forgiveness is releasing resentment for your own sake. It is not reconciliation or condoning.

The Science

Physiology of Grudges

Grudges keep the body in chronic stress. Forgiveness lowers blood pressure and cortisol.

The Practice

REACH Method

1. Recall objectively.
2. Empathize.
3. Altruistic gift.
4. Commit.
5. Hold onto forgiveness.

Common Pitfalls

• Waiting for an apology.
• Thinking you must forget.

Key Takeaway

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been different.